WHAT WAS I THINKING? Beauty and The Best

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Hello, NiteLife Exchange Readers! And thank you. The fact that you are reading my words right now, instead of one of the countless other things you could be doing, is not something I take for granted.  We all lead busy lives, with a myriad of “stuff” out there, competing for our attention, our time.  You could be … Wait a minute!  If I remind you of my competition, you may stop reading and choose it!   Competition.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about it.  And why not?  For the past three weeks, I’ve been attending the preliminary round of the MetroStar Talent Challenge, currently in progress every Monday night till August 30^th at Metropolitan Room.

Open to both seasoned and up-and-coming performers who have not played a major engagement at the club, MetroStar offers a fully produced and publicized one-week prime time run and a multi-track recording of the show as its first prize.  For anyone familiar with the economics of producing a cabaret show, this is an enticing opportunity which attracted 51 performers chosen from a wider field of initial applicants.

Each contestant sang once, vying for one of the 18 available slots in the next round.  The judging was divided between the audience and an expert panel whose votes were given more weight:  noted cabaret critics Roy Sander and Rob Lester.  They will be joined in future rounds by guest judges, like this Monday’s Ricky Ritzel, David Kenney and Sharon McNight.

The event is produced by the club’s owners, Steve and Chris Mazilli, and staff members Tanya Holt, Beck Lee, Joseph Macchia and Tom Gamblin, who is also its charming host.  Providing expert musical accompaniment for all but two of the eight nights is Nate Buccieri.   Because of a three-way-tie, 19 singers will advance to the next round on Aug. 2^nd.  They are, in alphabetical order, Mart Bowe, Jan Brennan, Ruth Carlin, Marcie Chasen, Kareen Foster, Tracy Nichole Franklin, Janice Hall, Sandy Hensen, Connie James, Cindy Marchionda, Marissa Mulder, Jenn Newman, Alison Nusbaum, Ruben Ramos, T. Oliver Reid, Amy Rivard, Michelle Samuels, Jenna Tomsko and Amy Beth Williams.

Having seen all of the performers on all three nights, I can genuinely say that the cliché of talent show preliminary trials, presumably laden with drop-that-jaw-and-get-out-the-hook performers, was not the reality of MetroStar.  In my humble opinion, each of the contestants I saw, with no exception, is talented.  But more than 30 had to be eliminated.  When it comes to competition, it’s the nature of the beast.  And, make no mistake about it.  Americans love competition.  We love talent, too.  But what we love most of all is putting the two together!

Talent competitions, which in recent years have found a new vogue with TV phenomena like American Idol and Dancing With the Stars, are nothing new.  Radio in the 30s and 40s and TV in the 50s and 60s thrived on them.  Most of you are probably familiar with Stephen Sondheim’s wonderful song “I’m Still Here” from Follies. In it, a woman of “a certain age” lists some of the things she’s seen and survived.   Here’s a bit of its lyric:

I’ve been through Abie’s Irish Rose,

Five Dionne Babies,

Major Bowes.

Abie’s Irish Rose was a long-running Broadway comedy about a Jewish guy courting an Irish lass, which I can safely say will never have its day again.  The Dionne Quintuplets captured the imagination of a nation that, during the Depression, couldn’t imagine raising one baby comfortably, let alone five!  But … Who the hell was Major Bowes?

In 1934, vaudeville impresario Major Edward Bowes created and hosted an amazingly popular radio program called "Major Bowes’ Original Amateur Hour." Inspired by the live amateur contests he produced to keep his famous Capitol Theater open during tough times, the format was simple and, in its day, unique. Each week, amateur performers did their thing for the talentless Major and his millions of listeners, who then voted via post card and phone calls for their favorite.  The following week, the winner was announced and returned to compete with new hopefuls for cash prizes and performing contracts.  Some of the future stars who first performed on the "Amateur Hour" over the years included Frank Sinatra, Beverly Sills, Pat Boone, Teresa Brewer, Alan King and Gladys Knight.

By all accounts, Major Bowes was … not very nice.  His on air attitude towards all but the most talented of the aspiring performers he introduced and chatted with weekly, would make Simon Cowell look like Mister Rogers.  He would often loudly mutter during an act, “All right… all right…,” hoping that would curtail the offending performance.  "All right… all right…” became a national catch-phrase for impatience and boredom.  When “all right” stopped working, he came up with something more effective.  Yes, folks, Major Bowes had the dubious distinction of inventing the gong.

When he died in 1946, the show was taken over by his associate, Ted Mack, who brought a kinder, gentler version to television in 1948.  "Ted Mack’s Original Amateur Hour" was a popular TV fixture till its demise in 1970.  That means for 36 years, Major Bowes’ brain child fed the hopes and dreams of countless aspiring performers and, by proxy, their audience.  His legacy lives on.

Miss America.  The Oscars.  The Pulitzer Prize.   "American Idol."  MetroStar.  There’s a competition or an award for everything and, of course, everyone who’s eligible wants to win.  We want to think we’re the “best.”  Hmmm…best.   Sometimes I think we confuse the word “best” with “favorite.”  Like Maria von Trapp, we all have favorite things.  My father’s favorite movie, bless his soul, was the original Japanese Godzilla with Raymond Burr, dubbed, of course.  He truly loved it, although he was smart enough to know it wasn’t the best movie ever made.   That didn’t stop him from preferring it to Oscar-winning movies like The Grapes of Wrath.  (“Ugh.  Depression.  Poverty.  I lived through it.  Who needs to see it?)

Unless it’s a competition that depends on an exact fact (Who ran the fastest race?  Who ate the most hot dogs?), the winner is the favorite of the majority of people who were deciding the outcome at the time.  Whether it was also “the best” is, like beauty, in the eye of the beholder.  The Sound of Music and Fiorello tied for “Best Musical” in 1959.  It’s good to remember that Gypsy was one of the losing nominees.  (The others weren’t too shabby, either – Once Upon a Mattress and Take Me Along.)

Winning an award or a contest is an important fact of one’s life, one’s career that will always be on one’s resume, but what it means in the long run … that’s open to debate.  When Ellen Burstyn won the Best Actress Oscar of 1974 for Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (her competition was Diahann Carroll, Faye Dunaway, Valerie Perrine and Gena Rowlands), she reportedly asked Walter Matthau (who won a Supporting Oscar eight years before), “Walter, what does this mean?”   His answer:  “Ellen, it means that when you die, the lead line of your obituary will read, “Academy Award-winning actress Ellen Burstyn….”   Walter Matthau was a smart man.

34 years ago, I entered a musical performance competition.  (For those of you who know my singing capabilities, we’ll pause while you wipe up the spilled coffee!)  It was at a small, liberal arts college I attended before transferring to my official alma mater, NYU.  I was writing songs at the time that I would perform in the campus “coffee house.”  In a small, intimate setting with an audience made up of musical theatre fans, I went over great.  In a large auditorium, filled with rowdy beer-drinkers rooting for their friends … Boy, did I bomb.   Judging from the reaction I got that night, you would think I was completely devoid of talent.  The winner was a very pretty, popular blonde girl, Diane Somebody, whose rock band was a campus favorite.  I have no idea where she is or what she’s doing, but, if she’s alive, somewhere in her house is that college trophy I didn’t get and wanted so much.

Now, of course, it doesn’t matter.  I’m still doing what I love to do.  Sometimes it’s successful.  Sometimes it’s not.  I may not have achieved what some others in my chosen field have, but I’m still in the game and the beauty, the value of what I do will always truly be in the eye of one beholder.  Me.

So, what does all of this have to do with MetroStar?  Perhaps it will remind the 19 talented performers currently preparing for Monday night that there are many factors involved in determining the result of any competition.  Some are in the contestant’s control.  Some are not.  Why not do the best you can and have as much fun as possible while doing it?  For the rest of you, each evening promises to be an exciting event that I strongly recommend, with great performances galore and many surprises.  In fact, as MetroStar progresses and the field is narrowed down, first to ten, then to five, then to the winner and two runners-up, there are only three things you can be sure of.  18 talented performers will be eliminated.  One will win.   Each one is beautiful!

The MetroStar Talent Challenge continues at The Metropolitan Room on Mondays at 7pm through August 30^th.  There’s a $20 cover and a two-drink minimum.  For information and reservations, contact: (212)206-0440 or visit www.metropolitanroom.com

Thanks for reading my column!  And thanks to Hector Coris for the cartoon masthead.  If you have a comment, question, correction or suggestion, please email me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .