WHAT WAS I THINKING? Bring in the Trash!

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Hello, NiteLife Exchange Readers!    It’s August.  You can almost hear the NYC nightlife and theatre community simultaneously slowing down and revving up at the same time.  Droves of performers are driving their bodies off to the beach or the country while the wheels of preparation in their minds are steadily turning towards new shows for the fall.  There’s still four weeks of summer left to share vacation time with loved ones and enjoy some solitude.

Few activities are more satisfying in solitude than reading.   As much as one may enjoy vacation activities with spouses and close friends, reading provides that rare chance to do something that’s your choice alone and totally in your control.  There’s a reason why reading is one of the three most popular things to do in bed!   After a long day of dealing with the world, here’s a way to be by yourself, but not truly alone, because a good book creates a world of its own with the author’s voice beside you, guiding you while it casts its spell.

Summer has always been a good time to catch up on reading.   In late May, we are inundated by magazines and newspapers with lists of “recommended summer reading.”  Every high school and university distributes to its students a long list of “quality literature” to read before fall.  Most of the books on their lists will put you in a coma so deep your sun block will wear off long before you wake up!  To them and their lists, I say “Phooey!”

We all know the kinds of books we want to read in the summer.  Something scary.  Something sexy.  Something silly.  Something sensational.  In other words - trash!

Now, when I say “trash,” I don’t mean garbage.  In my humble opinion, most of the books I will be discussing as “trash” are a hell of a lot better than “quality literature” like A Confederacy of Dunces or anything by Joyce Carol Oates.  Some of the books on my list are acknowledged masterpieces of their genre, acclaimed by critics and readers alike.  I guess what I really mean by “trash” is that the author’s goal in writing each of these books wasn’t to win prizes or raise literary standards.  It’s a good bet that his or her intention was to tell a good yarn and make a buck!

There’s good trash and bad trash.   My mother reads Danielle Steel, who has written, oh, I don’t know, maybe 402 romantic novels to date and they’re still coming!  There are always two or three of Ms. Steel’s paperbacks in a stack by my mother’s chair.  She’ll often fall asleep while reading one, then pick up a different one the next day - and not know the difference!  That’s bad trash.  Good trash, you don’t put down and if you do, you make sure the book mark is in the right place.  Good trash grabs you and doesn’t let go with a strong story that has a lot of sex, murder and/or laughter along the way!

So here’s my “Top Ten” list of good books that in my experience have made for great trash summer reading.   All of them are more than twenty years old, most of them best-sellers in their day.  Many have been turned into famous movies, but you’ll find that the books are quite different.  A couple of them are out-of-print and may not be easy to find, although E-bay and the Strand Bookstore are helpful resources.  Most of them can be found in any Barnes & Noble, usually in paperback.  Here they are, in alphabetical order by author.

A Murder is Announced by Agatha Christie. Dame Agatha Christie’s name is synonymous with whodunit murder mysteries.  But when’s the last time you read one?  This Miss Marple mystery is my personal favorite, among literally dozens.  It begins with an advertisement in a local paper announcing a murder that draws half the village to the crime scene.  Fiendishly clever while totally logical, the clues to solve it are all there, but don’t forget to savor the well-drawn characters and astute insights into human behavior along the way.

Auntie Mame by Patrick Dennis. Before the play, the movie of the play, the musical, the movie of the musical, etc., there was this book that still holds up and never fails to make me laugh. More of a fictionalized, loosely connected series of short stories about the author’s irrepressible, eccentric aunt rather than the structured narrative you may be used to, it creates a madcap world of loony logic all its own.  And if you’re lucky enough to come across its little-known but equally funny sequel, Around the World with Auntie Mame, pounce!

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. “Wait a minute!” you say.  “What’s this doing here?  It’s classic literature, the kind of book on those school lists!”  Au contraire, mon frère.  This 1844 epic may be displayed alongside books like Middlemarch for convenience sake, but it’s a sensational potboiler, probably the first great trash novel ever written.  Innocent Edmond Dantes is locked up in a dungeon through the betrayal of friends, then breaks free, comes into a fortune and returns for revenge.  And, boy, it’s a complicated one, running some 1500 pages, unabridged.  Definitely go for the full version.  Its length will keep you entranced for weeks and makes a good anchor for your beach blanket!

The Making of No, No, Nanette by Don Dunn. The first completely non-fiction work on this list has a story-line less believable than most of the novels.  A penniless Broadway producer with a dream hooks up with a wealthy man’s wife to mount a revival of a 45-year-old musical with a star who doesn’t want to be there and a legendary director who’s not sure where he is.  Oh, and the wealthy woman’s daughter is in the show, too!  Rehearsals are a shambles and people are fired.  Many people!  Meanwhile, a magazine writer whom everyone knows is there is taking copious notes.  The result: one of the dishiest, funniest backstage books ever written.

An Inconvenient Woman by Dominick Dunne. If backstage back-biting is not your cup of tea, how about lots of sex and murder in a Los Angeles high society setting, loosely based on the Alfred Bloomingdale-Vicki Morgan scandal of the 1980s?  There’s a little something for everyone: straight S&M, gay prostitution, drug trafficking and death by wasp sting!  Keeping it in the “good trash” category is the author’s inside knowledge of this milieu, his strong story-telling and his obvious affection for the main character, Flo March, the waitress-mistress whose cassette tapes tell the tale.

Saratoga Trunk by Edna Ferber. Beautiful, impoverished Clio Dulaine arrives in New Orleans from Paris with a six-foot tall Voodoo maid and a three-foot tall butler, seeking restitution from the aristocratic family who destroyed her mother and proclaimed her a bastard.  Yes, we are in Edna Ferber country – a beautifully written narrative with a strong central female character struggling to become the rich, socially prominent woman she deserves to be!  Also recommended by the same author is the novel which became one of the treasures of the American Musical Theatre, Show Boat.

The Poseidon Adventure by Paul Gallico. Forget the horrible recent movie.  And don’t expect the 1972 disaster epic, most memorable for Ernest Borgnine’s over-acting, Shelley Winters’ swimming and Pamela Sue Martin’s hot pants.  No, this is actually a gripping, powerful adventure story with spiritual overtones.  That’s not surprising since the author is also known for his famous fables The Snow Goose and Love for Seven Dolls, which became the film Lilli. As each of the Poseidon’s surviving guests and crew members meet their fate, the stakes are raised and so is the reader’s blood pressure.

Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin. Rosemary is a lucky gal.  She’s got a husband who adores her, a beautiful new apartment and two friendly, elderly neighbors who are so kind and attentive to her, especially now that she’s pregnant.  In fact, the old lady keeps giving her these herbs. One cannot overestimate the impact this brilliant thriller had on the American public when it was first published in 1967.  If you’ve seen the terrific movie with Mia Farrow and think that’s scary, try reading this book in a dark room, alone.

Now, Voyager by Olive Higgins Prouty. Recently back in print as part of a paperback series of female “pulp fiction,” this moving story of love and redemption tells of Miss Charlotte Vale (immortalized by Bette Davis in the 1942 film), a repressed, unattractive, mother-dominated spinster who struggles to find her own destiny with the help of her psychiatrist and a handsome architect she meets on an ocean cruise.   Anyone who has ever felt like an ugly duckling will want to share Charlotte’s journey towards becoming a swan.

Shelley, Also Known as Shirley by Shelley Winters.  We end with one of the most deliciously entertaining celebrity autobiographies I’ve ever read.   If you only know the author from the aforementioned The Poseidon Adventure or Roseanne, you might be surprised to learn she was a two-time Oscar winner and a gorgeous knock-out in her youth with a sex life to match.   Shelley was a gal who held nothing back in her life, her loves, or in this book!  Now, some have accused Shelley of playing fast and loose with the truth, but … who cares!?!  Check out an early chapter about her double date with Yvonne DeCarlo, Erroll Flynn and Clark Gable.   The writing style is such an endearing combination of sweetness and salaciousness, I’m betting you’ll buy it!

Next week, I’ll be thinking about South Pacific.  Till then, happy reading, everyone!

Thanks for reading my column!  And thanks to Hector Coris for the cartoon masthead.  If you have a comment, question, correction or suggestion, please email me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .