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I have been attempting to not write about The Human Centipede, written and directed by Tom Six of the Netherlands, since I saw it one fateful evening last spring, on the IFC pre-theatre release series. A perverse buddy of mine, a horror aficionado, decided to treat me to a pay-per-view at 2am, something I would never do, as I austerely hold out till a pic is on Netflix. I found THC so grotesquely fascinating that I could not stop thinking or talking about it (to my repulsed audience) for weeks. It took some time, but my compulsion abated until two things occurred. The In-Demand release of the much touted Black Swan (Director - Darren Aronofsky/Mark HeymanAndres Heinz – screenwriters) and the surprise appearance of THC On-Demand on IFC - not to mention the fact that it is streaming on Netflix in perpetuity.
I recently viewed BS under very weird circumstances as well - while under an enforced fast. Not being able to sleep and starving, I decided of all things to watch a movie about anorexic self-mortifiers. And that is what these two films have in common - the mortification of flesh - either voluntarily (BS) or forcibly (THC), with results beyond horrific leading to the ultimate loss of sanity, humanity and life itself.
And I think the much-reviled The Human Centipede is artistically heads and shoulders above the Academy Award winning (Natalie Portman’s Best Actress) Black Swan. There I said it; the often poorly reviewed horror-porn curiosity is superior to the heralded Hollywood-cum-artsy porn.
Ok, basic plots – In THC the mad German (yes German) Dr. Hieter’s passions twist from separating co-joined twins, into the supposedly preposterous (but 100 percent medically accurate) devotion to the attaching of living beings. He graduates from his late beloved “Mein lieber 3-hund” (a trio of mouth to tush Rottweiler’s) to the final experiment of attaching 3 human beings, thus creating The Human Centipede. Revolting? Yes, of course - this movie is not for everyone, or anyone, but the horror did not come in the blood and guts, of which there was not all that much in comparison to so called horror-porn. The darkest scene (and perhaps the most hilarious) is when Dr. Hieter solemnly pulled up his power-point presentation of the surgery in an effort to explain the ABC’s of the procedure using his pointer, donning his white coat. In other words, front, middle and center. And as horrible as it is for A, it is worse for C and ultimately the worst for B who is, er, caught up in the middle of things, so to speak. His three prisoners, still intact, shackled and whimpering, were expected to watch and learn to be prepared for their future state of togetherness.
Really unspeakable and degenerate, but it had me.
Now comes Nina in Black Swan, (a picture that got over 80 percent positives in the Rotten Tomato Meter as opposed to THC’s 40 or so) a beautiful anorectic ballerina who does things to herself that old Dr. Hieter might get off on. That’s ok, because the ballet world can be a horror story. The tale of a dancer desiccating herself and going sexually haywire to achieve the ability to act out the story of the Black Swan in "Swan Lake," could be all I want in a picture, but the filmmakers pulled too many punches and copped out when it came to making the truly orgasmic horror story that they might have been aiming for. I personally do not know what they were aiming for, as many of the naysayers who are coming out of the Swan-hating closet are confessing to.
With a very full meal in my stomach, I rented it again and watched it frame by frame to see where the fantasy came in and what was “real.” I have my theories, but it does not really matter what was “real.” The need to second guess everything was merely a distraction from, what in the hands of another director, could have been a guilty pleasure at least, rather than a garbled parable. This movie did not ultimately deliver in the realm of the senses either. If you are gonna show a girl throw up, how about some eating before the barfing? A nice desperate binge on the cake her mom forced her to taste (don’t ask) could have really ratcheted up the action. In the lesbian scene between Nina and her nemesis (Mila Kunis, who I liked), we were denied any real hotness - the potential exoticness was substituted with a flailing frenzy. The kissing, rather than being sensual or explorative, came off like a vulture’s picking on dead meat. That might have been what was intended, but it was not gratifying or resonant. The dance scenes were short and anticlimactic, never, never reaching the sublime release demanded by the set-up. The ultimate disappointment though, was Natalie Portman’s whining, frowning and infantile would-be diva. That sort of thing was fine in the film Closer, where she was not yet a full blown woman, but no one with such a lack of charisma would be singled out to be a star in any profession in the arts, except in the cinema, perhaps.
So what does any of this have to do with The Human Centipede? Thousands of people are probably going to see it now that is it “free” for those who have the subscription to IFC on cable or streaming Netflix. This is a movie that the powers that be in indie land want to be seen. Whatever one thinks of the plot or premise, the fact is that it delivers one thing that the Black Swan did not - true passion. When Dr. Hieter first witnesses his creation, he is as excited as Salome being presented with the head of John the Baptist. And when the creature defied him, his wrath was Shakespearian. Dieter Laser is known as a “serious” actor in Germany, and he was uncompromisingly consistent and even heroic in his outbursts. He was delightful! Now this was "Grand Opera," unlike the wimpy Hollywood “shocker,” Black Swan. Can I recommend The Human Centipede for human viewing? Not really, I won’t take that responsibility. But for people with a highly developed sense of irony and a very strong stomach, it might be food for thought, as the end of the picture is truly memorable and haunting in the style of the original The Wickerman, the true masterpiece of alienation and loss of self determination.
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